


There's a fine line between love and hate

by bashfulwalrus



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fighting, Gay, M/M, Male - Freeform, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Smut, emotional rollar coaster, mature - Freeform, theres a pun halfway through
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2019-01-18 11:39:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12387342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bashfulwalrus/pseuds/bashfulwalrus
Summary: The one where Simon and Baz are in a fight but as the days go by there's sexual frustration and they're trying to resist each other until one of them finally snapsHe wanted to punch Baz and then kiss him and then push him onto the couch and NO! They were fighting. In a fight. Enemies. Right. Focus, he told himself. What were they even fighting about in the first place? Simon couldn’t remember for the life of him and he for some reason was unable to tear his gaze from Baz’s lips. God, he missed this.





	There's a fine line between love and hate

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah so it starts out as fighting, then there's a slow burn, then the sexual tension. It's an emotional roller coaster. Enjoy :)

It was an accident. Simon knew it was. He never meant to knock Baz’s wand off the table with his wings and then step on it, breaking it and rendering it useless. But Baz was convinced he did, thinking he did it on purpose because he was resentful of how Baz still had magic but he didn’t. If he was being honest, it hurt like hell to know that Baz thought he would stoop that low. But he wouldn’t show it. Not now.  
“Do you really think I’d make a plan to swipe your wand off the table and step on it just to make myself feel better about not having magic?”  
“You said it, not me.”  
“You’ve got to be kidding, Baz.”  
It was around dinnertime and Penny would be coming home any minute. It was thundering tremendously outside, echoing the mood in the room.  
“I just happen to think it’s really coincidental that my wand happened to break right after I spelled the house clean.”  
“I didn’t ask you to clean it!”  
“It’s a pigstye, Snow. If I’d have left it another day, the landlord would’ve come knocking to see if something died.”  
“Crowley, Baz. You really are neurotic.”  
“And you’re a slob.” He raised a posh eyebrow.  
“Look,” Simon took a deep breath. “Just admit that I didn’t have some grand plan to intentionally break your wand and we’ll be done here.”  
“Don’t be daft, Snow. What, since you don’t have your magic anymore, I can’t have mine?”  
“That’s not it at all!”  
“You're always moping around about it. So you can’t spell _clean as a whistle_ anymore. Big deal. You lost your magic- get over it.”  
Simon froze in place, finger still stuck in the air. His next retort got stuck in his throat as his mouth fell open in shock. Baz immediately regretted what he said, knowing he'd gone too far.  
“Simon-”  
“J-just get over it, huh?” Simon choked out bitterly. “It’s not a big deal, is it?”  
“You know that’s not what I-”  
“It is a big deal, Baz, because I was the Mage’s fucking heir! That was my identity! What I was known for! Who I was!” His voice took on an uncharacteristic hysterical edge. “And now it’s gone, completely gone.” Simon’s bottom lip started trembling and he bit it, blinking back tears. “I barely know who I am anymore. And I should just get over it? How can you even say that?” he whispered.  
“I didn’t mean it like that. I was caught up in the heat of the moment.”  
Simon just looked at him, features morphing into something a lot like rage. “At least I’m not a bloody fucking vampire,” Simon spat out.  
“Don’t do this.”  
“Your own mother died fighting against what you’ve become.” He refused to break eye contact. “What would she think of you now, _Baz_?” Simon said his name with so much venom that Baz was momentarily stunned. How were they even dating? They’re _enemies_. Those years of hatred they’ve had for each other at Watford hadn’t completely gone away. It’s always right beneath the surface, bubbling, waiting.  
But even back at Watford Simon’s never gone that low. Brought up what he’d known all along about Baz being a vampire. Used it against him like this.  
“That’s low, Snow,” Baz hissed through his teeth.  
“It’s low but true.”  
“ _How can you even say that?_ ” Baz mimicked Simon from before.  
“ _I was caught up in the heat of the moment!_ ” Simon quoted back.  
“Fuck you. I had no control over becoming a vampire.”  
“I had no control over losing my magic.”  
Baz just glared at him as silence reigned over the apartment. Simon’s once beautiful face was now only infuriating. His once entrancing voice now annoying. His once endearing stubbornness now impossible. There was a fine line between love and hate and they’d crossed it once again.  
“I’m leaving,” Baz snapped, grabbing his car keys so aggressively Simon thought they’d snap in half.  
“Good,” Simon folded his arms, although he felt a bit of regret. _Don’t go_ , a part of him cried out. He squashed it immediately. “Hey, take your precious wand with you.”  
“I would if it wasn’t _snapped in half!_ ” Baz slammed the door shut, the sound reverberating loudly throughout the house. Simon felt as broken as Baz’s wand. After blinking blankly at the door for a while, he turned back to the half-made spaghetti, now long forgotten. Turning, his wings accidently knocked a spoon from the counter and it landed on the floor with a clatter. Just like the wand. If only Baz could see that it was an accident. If only...  
It took Simon a moment to realize he was crying. And then he was sobbing. And then Penny was walking through the door and saw Simon and then she was hugging him and saying something and he was getting her shirt all wet and he decided he hated Baz but he still loved him somehow.  
But most of all he missed his magic.

*

“Shit,” Baz cursed the next morning, searching around his apartment. “Where is it?” He was all set and ready to go to classes, completely avoiding Snow. And Bunce for that matter, who’d left him a bunch of angry texts and missed calls last night. But he just had to leave his Maths textbook at their apartment. And today was their exam, so he needed it to prepare. _Of bloody course_. 

Although he was mad at himself, he had to admit that Maths was the last thing on his mind when he was leaving the apartment. It was bad enough having his own self-hatred as to what he’s become, but having Snow say it outloud was even worse. His mother would hate him now. And he didn’t blame her.  
The rain had stopped from last night and it was now merely a trickle as Baz drove over to their apartment. He dug out his cell and dialed Penny.  
“Where were you? What happened?” she shot out.  
“I’ll explain later. I need you to do something for me.”  
“Simon’s a bloody wreck, you know.”  
Baz cringed, hating himself even more now. He breaks everything he touches and Snow is no exception. “On the back shelf, I left a Maths textbook. I just need you to grab it and run it out to me. I’ll wait in the driveway.”  
“Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch, are you serious?” Baz held the phone away from his ear at the screeching on this other line. “You’re too afraid to come inside and grab a simple textbook?”  
“Things are too sore right now. After class I’ll come over and fix things. I promise.”  
Silence hung on the other line as Penny mulled this over. “If you promise,” she mumbled and Baz could hear her shuffling through the hall, looking for the textbook.  
“On the back shelf?” she asked.  
“Yes, right by the bookcase.”  
“It’s not here.”  
“What do you mean it’s not?” Baz was getting impatient, checking his watch. Ten minutes to class.  
“Hang on.” There was a bit of a scuffle on the other line and Baz strained to listen. He could hear Snow’s voice saying something and Penny retaliating, “He needs his textbook, Simon” and then Snow responding innocently, “I don’t know where it is” then with a very distinct, “Tell him to come get it then!”  
Baz slumped his shoulders, knocking his head back against the seat. Of course. Simon knew he’d need his textbook today and took it. Petty, very petty.  
Penny came back on the line. “Uh, it’s not here, Baz. Are you sure you left it?”  
“I’m not daft, Penny! I could hear everything. I know Snow took it.”  
She sighed. “Right. Look, he’s just… upset. You know, resorting back to his Watford tricks and all.” She paused. “But what did you say to him? He hasn't acted this depressed since the Humdrum.”  
Baz hesitated. “Just some stuff about him being magicless.”  
“BAZ!”  
“And then HE said my mother would hate me for being… what I am.”  
“SIMON!” he could hear her yell across the room. She came back on the line. “That's some pretty heavy stuff. Are you sure you guys’ll be okay?”  
“Right as rain,” Baz hummed, checking the time once again. “I’m running late. Off to fail my Maths test.”  
“Sorry, Baz.” Penny sounded genuine. The both of them were always scoring the high grades. “I’ll get the textbook back from him, don’t worry.”  
All Baz knew was that he was definitely no longer fixing things after school. 

*

The days went by and neither of the boys talked. Baz came by every now and then, mainly for Penny (who eventually wrenched the Maths book away from Simon) and then just to pick up his toothbrush and other daily things he needed and forgot there.  
When he came to get his hair gel, Penny was out and only Simon was home, watching TV.  
“Hey, Pen-” Simon turned his head. “Oh.”  
Baz was wearing a black T-shirt and almost sinfully tight jeans, with his hair falling loosely around his face the way Simon liked it. He swallowed painfully, feeling his face flush. “What did you forget now? Your dignity?” It had taken hours to come up with that one, but it fell flat with the ‘you can’t be serious’ look Baz gave him.  
“Yes Snow, my dignity. Good one.”  
Silence.  
“I actually forgot my hair gel.”  
Simon nodded. That explained the hair then.  
More silence.  
Baz started to turn towards the bathroom when Simon blurted out, “I like it better without the gel anyway.”  
Baz stopped in his tracks, obviously taken off guard. “Thanks, I guess.”  
He could feel Simon’s eyes tracing his body and he smirked, suddenly getting an idea. How long had it been since they’d…? Five days. Too long. Snow was probably biting at the chomps. He knew he was.  
He walked closer to the couch, taking in the way Simon’s breathing sped up. The sexual tension was unbelievable.  
Simon stood up. He didn’t know what Baz was planning but he wanted to be ready. He wanted to punch Baz and then kiss him and then push him onto the couch and NO! They were fighting. In a fight. Enemies. Right. _Focus_ , he told himself. What were they even fighting about in the first place? Simon couldn’t remember for the life of him and he for some reason was unable to tear his gaze from Baz’s lips. God, he missed this. He snapped his eyes up guiltily to see Baz smirking, his eyes darkened.  
“What happened to getting your hair gel?” Simon asked breathily.  
“I got distracted,” Baz said simply, holding his gaze with Simon.  
“The Great Tyrannus Grimm-Pitch got distracted? I never thought the day would-”  
“-come?” Baz finished in such an absolutely dirty way that Simon was shocked quiet. Baz took another step closer so they were almost touching. He took Simon’s hand, rubbing it softly with his thumb until goosebumps erupted across his skin. Baz smirked quietly. Simon gulped, already feeling his body start to react.  
“Have you jerked off?” Baz murmured into Simon’s ear, reading his mind.  
“Wha- no. Have you?” Simon blushed furiously.  
“No. It’s not the same without you there.”  
“Jesus, Baz.” Simon focused on a point in the background, trying to look away from how Baz was biting his lip and the way his cologne was swirling around them. Baz leaned forwards slightly, pressing his knee in between Simon’s thighs and moving, eliciting a small moan from the boy. Simon felt like he was drowning, drowning in Baz. He couldn’t help himself from leaning forwards, eyes fluttering shut. Fuck the fight. Fuck everything. He needed _this._  
Baz stopped him. It was probably the hardest thing he ever had to do, with Simon’s flushed cheeks and breathlessness and the fact that Simon _already_ had a semi. But he put a finger to Snow’s lips. Simon whimpered slightly with frustration.  
“The only D you’re getting from me is the one I got on my Maths test because of you,” he said smoothly. “Because you hid my textbook.” He took a step back.  
Simon opened his eyes, stuck in a lustful haze before the words finally sunk in. He widened his eyes with realization. “Wait… you’re just walking away?”  
“I came here for my hair gel.” He turned. “You gave me a D on my test so I won’t give you the D in real life.”  
“Are you serious, Baz? I thought we made up just now.” Obviously embarrassed, Simon sat down trying to hide his boner.  
“Sexual tension isn’t making up. You still said my mother would disapprove of me for being a… you know, and you never apologized.”  
Right. That’s what the fight was. “You said I should ‘get over’ my magic being gone.”  
“So we’re still fighting.”  
“But I like _this_ better than fighting. C’mon, Baz. It’s been five days,” he used Baz’s own words against him.  
Baz clenched his jaw, arousal shooting through him. No, he had to be strong and follow through. “Hair gel,” he gritted out, finally heading to the bathroom, getting the damn container, and getting out.  
Simon looked over at him from the couch, cheeks flushed red. “I’m really turned on,” he said shamelessly.  
“That’s not my problem, Snow,” Baz said huskily and he walked through the door before he could change his mind. 

*

It was a day later and Simon was going insane. He couldn’t focus on anything and felt like he was in some weird sex fog. Penny called him out for trying to put milk back in the cupboards and his cereal in the fridge. “Are you sure you’re okay, Simon? You’re exhibiting the same amount of brain damage as Dev after he got a concussion from soccer. Maybe even more so.”  
“I’m fine. Didn’t get much sleep last night is all.”  
“Did Baz say something else? _Did you guys break up_?” she gasped.  
_No, Penny,_ he wanted to say. _Baz is depriving me of sex because he got a D on his test and I’m literally dying._  
“He came over, picked up his hair gel. We didn’t make up or anything.”  
Penny nodded, her purple glasses slipping down her nose. “Just give it time. You guys’ll be back together in no time at all.” She looked at the clock. “I have to leave for work but if you want to talk, I’m always here.”  
Simon smiled. “Thanks Pen. See you when you get home.”  
After she left, he sat down at the table, digging into his Froot Loops. He knew he should just jerk off or something, but the fact that Baz hasn’t either makes it seem like some kind of challenge to see who caves first. And he wanted to win.

*

Baz tried to focus on the lecture in front of him for the hundredth time, but his mind kept pulling back to Simon’s messy hair and hot skin and the fact that he got so hard so _quick_. This entire fight was stupid. He just wanted Simon again. Watching movies, coming over in the mornings, going out to eat. He missed it.  
By now he had realized that Simon had broken his wand on accident. It was stupid to even accuse him of doing it on purpose. Baz was just mad since it was his first wand, the one he had back since first year. But that era of his life is over anyways and Simon’s more important than his magic any day.  
He just had to figure out how to tell him that. 

*

Simon checked the time. 7pm. That means Baz’s last evening classes are over and he’s back at his apartment. He had to go over there. He’d never been so horny in his life and that includes back in fifth year when he first learned how to... do it. Forget his dignity, control, self-respect. Simon grabbed his keys and headed over. 

*

Baz paced around his apartment, holding the phone up to his ear. Simon wasn’t responding; maybe he was angrier than Baz thought. That whole “D on the paper; D in real life” bit might have been too far. Scratch that, it was too far. _This might be it,_ Baz said to himself as that call went to voicemail yet again. _It might be over._  
Then he heard a knock at his door, sharp and incessant. Was it the landlord? He sighed, clicking the phone shut and heading over with wide strides. Golden curls filled the peephole and Baz’s mouth opened in astonishment.  
“Simon-?” He opened the door.  
Before he knew what was happening, Baz was pushed back against the wall and attacked with a kiss so desperate and needy that his next breath was ripped out of his chest. “Simon,” he breathed out. He kicked the door shut, moaning into the kiss.  
“You’re such a tease,” Simon mumbled against his lips, still pinning Baz against the wall.  
“I’m here now,” Baz said. And he was. He was ready to surrender himself completely. Simon pressed his hardness into Baz’s thigh.  
“It’s been six days.”  
“Have you-?”  
“What do you think?”  
Baz chuckled lightly, tangling his fingers in Simon’s hair, pulling him impossibly closer. “I think that ends tonight.”  
They finally parted in order to stumble onto Baz’s bed, covers still messy from the morning. “What were we even fighting about?” Simon gasped out, as Baz grazed his teeth down his jawline.  
“I can’t remember. I honestly can’t.” Baz pulled away, taking in Simon’s tanned skin and swollen lips and the fact that he just looked like _sex itself._ How did he get this lucky?  
He grinded down on Simon’s hard length, feeling his own pants grow tighter. For some reason, every point of contact was pleasurable. His bottom lip against Simon’s top one. His thigh against Snow’s stomach. His fingers against Simon’s cheek. He continued the vigorous pace, creating delicious friction. Snow gasped out like it was painful. Baz smirked, taking his shirt off and revealing his marble abs that he knew drove Snow insane. “Damn, Baz,” Simon swore unabashedly, raising his arms for Baz to take his own shirt off. Baz did, uncovering the constellations of moles that covered his chest. Someday, he’d count all of them.  
“Still too many clothes,” Simon whined out.  
“Hang on,” Baz undid his belt, eventually stripping both boys down to just their boxers. Baz trailed kisses down Simon’s chest, ending up near his heated erection. He stroked it quickly through the cloth and Simon bit his lip to stop from screaming. The feeling was so much more powerful after no contact at all for a week.  
Baz stared unbelievably at Simon’s intense reaction to just this. Without a moment’s hesitation, he moved down the waistband and took Simon in his mouth, no teasing whatsoever.  
“C-crowley Baz,” he choked out, clutching at the bedsheets. “Just like- oh God, yeah just like that.” Baz increased his speed, attempting to take all of Simon in his mouth. And he did. “I can’t- I’m not going to last long-” Baz pulled off, causing a whimper of disapproval from Snow.  
Baz took his own boxers off, an obvious tent with a dot of precum at the top. He took his hard leaking member out, straddling Snow and taking both of them in his hand, jerking them off at the same time.  
“Shit-” Simon choked out through the waves of pleasure. The feeling of himself against Baz was almost too erotic to bare. He tried to hold off but Merlin, he'd waiting six days for this. Squeezing his eyes shut, he was already coming by the third stroke. Baz savored everything about the moment- the twitching of Simon’s stomach muscles, his erratic breathing, how he yelled out Baz’s name in a broken cry when he came.  
They both caught their breathing and Simon tucked his head into Baz’s chest. “Has it always been like that?” Simon panted.  
“No,” Baz paused. “We should take a break from it more often.”  
Simon glared, swatting his shoulder playfully. “I strongly disagree.”  
Silence came over them and Baz took it as his time to apologize.  
“I know you didn’t actually break my wand on purpose. I was just upset because it was my first wand.”  
“It was your first wand?” Simon scrunched up his eyebrows. “Maybe we can glue it then.”  
“The magic still won’t work. It’s okay though. That part of my life is over.”  
Simon nodded, his curls tickling Baz.  
“And I shouldn’t have said that thing about you getting over your magic. You're still the same Simon without it. You just can't spell _open sesame_ anymore so you run into doors,” he laughed.  
“That happened once. I know how to open doors!”  
“But if I lost my magic, I- Well, just, sorry.”  
“I’m getting used to it. And I shouldn’t have called you a bloody vampire.”  
“But that’s what I am.”  
“Yeah. But I know your mother would still love you. Vampire or not, you’re her son. And you’re pretty great. I know she’d be proud.”  
Baz smiled sadly. “That means a lot, Snow.”  
“Simon!”  
“Force of habit.”  
And so they held each other, deep into the night, the sun and the moon.


End file.
